Life Is What Happens When You Are Making Other Plans
I’m a planner – events, trips, Wednesdays! That is not to say that I’m not flexible, but there needs to be an initial plan from which I can then deviate; usually to Plan B or Plan C which are already formulated in my head. Last spring, I made the decision to retire from teaching a little earlier than I had originally intended. Before the paperwork was dry and the last bell had rung, I made a carefully constructed list of what I was going to accomplish in my post-retirement life. It included (among other things) color schemes and furniture rearrangement for our guest rooms, a new landscaping plan for the front yard and trips I wanted to take with roughly the dates I wanted to take them.
Ironically, I married a man who frequently reminds me that “life is what happens when you are making other plans”. He especially likes to remind me of this when my carefully constructed plans are being blown out of the water. The landscaping plan went out the window two weeks into retirement when a storm took out our 22-year-old tree in the front yard and much of the grass with it. The travel plan went out the window by Labor Day weekend when my own health had a hiccup. At least the guest rooms had beds and bedding by the time family visited in the fall, even if it wasn’t the color scheme and furniture placement I had envisioned in May.
While I was making all those plans in the spring, what I didn’t know was that Dave had noticed a small lump on the left side of his neck. He mentioned it at his physical in early June, and was told it was an enlarged lymph node and to give it a few months. If it hadn’t gone down by the time, he came in for blood work in September they would discuss it. When Dave mentioned it to me in September and suggested we find an ENT, I was still making plans. When that ENT took a biopsy and was relieved that it was a fluid-filled cyst and most likely not anything serious, I was making plans. When the biopsy was initially reported as negative but the cyst returned and a subsequent CT looked suspicious, I was making plans. When the second ENT used the word cancer in his first meeting with Dave, I changed plans. Every plan now had the cancer cloud hanging over it.
As we began to discuss testing dates, treatment options and all the “what ifs” that come with this diagnosis, I struggled with making plans. In fact, I started to cancel upcoming trips and appointments for us both. Testing and doctor appointments were the priority in my mind so that we could get this whole journey over sooner, rather than later. I held my breath, afraid to plan not just the coming weeks, but my life in the event it didn’t include the most important part of the plan, David.
But Dave is right (I hate when that happens), life is what happens when you are making other plans. So, we went to visit his siblings in Phoenix three days after the doctor said cancer. I went to visit our youngest daughter in NYC the day after the second biopsy. We spent the night at the Adolphus and did a food/wine pairing dinner at the French Room the weekend after the pathology confirmation. My parents came for Thanksgiving and spent the week enjoying time with all of their grandkids and with us after we set the surgery date. We decorated for Christmas, went to holiday parties and ate at every restaurant we ever discussed trying in the days leading up to surgery. We exchanged gifts a day late because we didn’t get discharged from the hospital until late afternoon on Christmas. We toasted New Year’s with a liquid shake via a feeding tube after surgery took out Dave’s swallow reflex. We ate more desserts and fun foods the month after he regained his swallow than we did for most of 2019. We went to Ft. Worth for an overnight stay following the first week of radiation. In between tests, appointments and procedures, we have chosen to do life.
There’s still no tree or landscaping out front, no immediate travel plans and the guest rooms are still unfinished. Those plans went out the window when life gave me a different plan to focus on - David. Pretty sure that should have been Plan A all along.